So I recently took a week off of work…you know, my last vacation week of 2013 to “relax”.

However, when you have 3 children, a home and bills to pay, unwinding is hardly an option.

I found that I couldn’t relax because the kids had school “stuff” and as I looked around my home, something more was irritating the hell out of me…shit was falling apart. This is not a good start to a vacation week. Apparently, while I am working 8-10 hour days as a banker, cooking, cleaning and making sure I become completely trapped in the daily grind, my house has been hurting around me.  My dining room table looked like hell, the walls from my bathroom had gone from Country White to what I think was Ecru. Oh, and its that time of year when the neighbors expect me to put out Halloween décor.  I knew then, that first Saturday off, when I awoke,  that my “relaxing” vacation was merely an illusion. I had that nagging tug of war inside and visions of relaxation were quickly evaporating before my eyes.  (My eyes by the way that were framed by eyebrows that desperately needed waxing.)

I faced the cruel reality, you have decisions to make and there is NO VACATION from decision making…EVER!  One nagging question was “do I go and get a mani/pedi today, or can it wait till I finish painting the bathroom and refinishing the dining table?” Nail or wood lacquer? That set it all off.

I’m a girl, I am supposed to have these debates with myself.

Do I sleep in, or take the kids to school? Nah they can ride the bus.

Do I cook or get takeout? Clean? Sleep? Fuck, fuck, fuck! So, I got a grip and went to Home Depot, Wal-Mart, Target, even Goodwill and made it happen. I still don’t know how. But in my depths, I knew what I had to do. I threw all my self-maintenance out the window to give the home, the place were I “stay-cation” often a much needed vacation.

Is this how wives (and husbands) and moms (and dads) become bitter and resentful? Speaking as a female, I mean we are expected to look “hot”, well groomed at least, sexy even but, please do hold down your day job and take care of your kids lady! I say this sarcastically of course.

Long story short, I was pissed, frustrated, tired and also proactive. Shoot, I don’t want to be a desperate housewife or bitter, resentful, etc. This wasn’t about vacations anymore. It was about life and me.

So I learned something new about myself on my last “vacation” of 2013. That special week I carefully picked out. I learned that I did have fun. I did relax. I didn’t regret not getting my eyebrows done or the mani/pedi I desperately needed by those quirky ladies in town.

Instead, I went back to work, with wood lacquer stains on the bottom of my feet. Seriously. It took days to come off since I refused to use anymore chemicals by then. My attempts at self-care were not there but, my soul was on fire!

I learned, that its all relative. It sounds cheesy but, it’s true. I was happy and relaxed, because I got to spend time enjoying the two biggest investments of my life: my kids and our home. I felt like a super hero when my dining room, bathroom and front yard were beaming.

I could have complained, (and of course I did) but, by addressing things and getting them done right then and there, I was staring down my daily grind in the face. Those things are there when you come home every day or come back from time away. Those are the real vacation undertakers. I was investing in my next vacation week and ultimately in my peace of mind. I learned that perspective is everything and prioritizing is crucial!

Isn’t that what we work for anyway? The long and short term goals?

I was one step closer to relaxing, two steps closer to being a better person. I found satisfaction and resolution in those things that frazzle me every day that no vacation can undo. It is far more outlasting than a day on the beach (maybe not as fun or liquored filled) but that’s immediate satisfaction. And who doesn’t want immediate satisfaction? This satiated me because it was the road less traveled.

I’ll close with a secret I learned about real vacationing. It’s a state of mind, I take mini vacations now often. I prioritize the projects better so they don’t put a heist on my vacation weeks.

Yes, I did give myself that mani/pedi while watching my fave tv shows and eating to my hearts content on a regular Monday night.

Nail or Wood Lacquer?

Heck, life is too short and I want them both. I’m not going to overly think it or plan it out because that’s work and I am on vacation.

-LipglossedLeo

Photo by Maria Lupan on Unsplash